THE MESS! (Writings from last year)

Lord, I have really made a mess of things, haven’t I? I am overdrawn at the bank, overweight, and I haven’t sought You or even listened. Now I ask for help, now that I am in a hole. Lord, how do You put up with me? Lord, I want You, but I seek pleasure in other things. Here I am, a mess, expecting You to put back the pieces! How dare me?

— Quit quarreling with God! Agree with Him and you will have peace at last! His favor will surround you if you will only admit that you were wrong.    Job 22:21

Lord, I have not been quarreling with You, instead I have ignored You. And I think that is worse! It says to agree with You and I will have peace at last! Lord, what is it that You want me to agree about? I do want Your favor and I know I am wrong about so much. Right now, I am a mess! My bank account is overdrawn, I have gained my weight back, and I have no inner peace! I know peace is only found in Your Presence. Lord, I do want Your favor but I want my cake too! I want to eat it too! Now I seem caught in a trap, a trap of my making. I dug this hole myself! Now that I’m caught in my own sins, what can I do? I can come up with a lot of answers, but we both know it is  my heart that is the problem. My misplaced desires are the problem, but I’m trapped now, caught, what do I do?  Is there any hope for me?

(Yes, My child, there is always hope! On that, we can agree!)

Alright Lord, what do I do now?  I really do take advantage of Your love, don’t I ? I take You for granted. I think I can enjoy my pleasures today and then tomorrow I can straighten up.  I have treated You with dishonor and disrespect, haven’t I?

(Yes, you have, My child. On that, we can agree.)

Lord, I expect the anger of my husband, but eventually I know he will forgive for the overdrawn bank account. That is taking advantage of him, isn’t it? And I have done the same with You too! Lord, I was unaware of the bank account being overdrawn, but I choose to overeat. I choose the pleasure of food, instead of the pleasure of Your Presence. Therefore, I think my sin toward You is greater than the bank account, isn’t it?

(We can agree on that, My child. You think that you can just say you’re sorry and all is forgiven so easily, even your husband won’t let you off that easy! You will indeed suffer the consequences of your negligence of the bank account. But do you expect to suffer no consequences for your disobedience of My instructions and the ignoring of My guidance when I have tried to guide you to better decisions? Do you think My feelings are so easily dealt with just because I am God and I’m supposed to forgive?  Be careful, My child, for you are in a danger zone. I promise blessings on one side, but there are consequences on all sides, consequences to obedience and consequences to disobedience. Look at the ‘Blessings’ and ‘Curses’ in Deuteronomy 30.

. . . . . But you have burdened Me with your sins, you have wearied Me with your iniquities. I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins.                Isaiah 43: 24,25 NKJV

( My child, I always have plans to bless My children when they are humble before Me seeking My will. I AM A GOD OF FORGIVENESS AND RESTORATION! We can agree on that. Humble yourself before Me and you will see what I will do.)

Okay Lord, help me, for You know I am stupid and weak without You! Help me, teach me, and guide me more to follow You. Put a bit in my mouth. Wait! No not that, just fill my heart with an overwhelming desire for You. Make me more hungry for You than my food. Be my highest pleasure above all else and all others. Make me ‘real’ before You Lord!

— “I have blotted out, like a thick cloud, your transgressions, and like a cloud, your sins. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you.” Isaiah 44:22 NKJV

Help me Lord, to follow Your desires and Your will with my whole heartedly without hesitation or question. Lord, I give myself to thee, do with me as You will.