Lord, there’s so many suffering. Do You love them? (**See note at end.)
Yes, My Child. I do love them. They have even more grace and love toward them than they know- for I am by their side.
One does not have more of My love than another. But one may have a greater grace extended toward them just to make it through the hard places in their life.
Hard places are not necessarily the result of their sins or to show off My power as I deliver them out of their hard places. No, instead hard places are just life as it is on Earth. Satan rules throughout this Earth. But I rule over everything, including Satan. Remember that fact.
There’s only one thing I will not, can not rule over. That’s man’s “free will”.
At the beginning, I gave mankind power, the keys to Earth. Then mankind through disobedience chose to give his keys to Satan. So I stepped in, but the power of good and evil had already been released.
There’s no knowledge of good without the knowledge of evil to contrast. When they ate the fruit of the forbidden tree, the knowledge of good and evil brought forth the ability to choose, free will, death, and rebellion. In other words, the knowledge of good and evil brought forth sin.
Satan brought his rebellion, hatred, and revenge to Earth, along with death and destruction. So much suffering. There are so many innocent suffering along with the guilty. It grieves My Spirit.
That’s why I came and poured out My blood. I came to cleanse and deliver, to set free from this curse of evil.
Satan is a liar. I AM the truth. In addition I provide the one true love and grace. My love and grace is sufficient to cover ALL sin.
Soon and very soon Satan will be destroyed and he knows it. Therefore he goes about destroying all he can, bringing forth destruction and death.
My time has come. Satan and the suffering he causes will be destroyed. I AM bringing forth new life, new freedom, and complete truth. I AM all. And I AM power. Therefore I AM.
[**Note: Being overwhelmed by all the coronavirus news, I pulled out some of my old journals. Found this entry, written Feb. 9, 2019. Even though it was written last year, I think it fits the effects of our lives this year. God is more powerful than any virus! What do you think?]
He predestined and lovingly planned for us to be adopted to Himself as [His own] children through Jesus Christ, in accordance with the kind intention and good pleasure of His will- to the praise of His glorious grace and favor, which He so freely bestowed on us in the Beloved [His Son, Jesus Christ]. Ephesians 1:5-6 AMP
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. John 3: 16,17 NKJV
Miracles still happen. Yes, in spite of my stupidity, miracles still happen. For those enquiring minds who want to know, from March 19th to March 25, I’ve lost 4 1/2 pounds. Wow! Yes, God still works miracles today. Ya’ll hear me? He still works miracles.
What follows now is a my eating record. Overall it’s boring, yet at the same time it’s amazing how God has showed me grace and forgiveness. To all you who focus on healthy eating, please accept my apology. Once you read this, you’ll realize if I can lose weight in spite of all these mess-ups, surely you can lose weight too. You’ll see. After all, you’ll be amazed at the amount of grace God has, both for me and you too.
Beginning 3/19, MONDAY: Lord, what do I eat for breakfast today? (Ate- wheat toast with butter, 1/2 cup apple juice, & 1 tablespoon chicken salad.) Lord, can I have two tablespoons chicken salad? – [No] – Lord, can I have a pear half with mayo & cheese? [Yes, you may. But choose the smallest one.]
Mid-morning: Lord, I have such severe indigestion. Can I have one no sugar added fudgsicle? (Ate one. Granted it helped, but I didn’t wait for an answer.)
Lunch: Lord, can I have more chicken salad? [Yes, but only two spoonfuls. No more.]
Later afternoon: Lord, this indigestion is awful. Since the first one helped, can I have another fudgsicle? (Ate two. Granted they helped my indigestion. But again, I didn’t wait for an answer.)
Supper: (Ate 1 bowl of corned beef and cabbage, 1/2 piece cornbread, & 1 roasted chicken leg.)
3/20, TUESDAY: Lord, lead me today concerning Your will, what I am to eat, not eat, cook, not cook, do, not do, think, not thin, and say, not say.
Breakfast: Lord, what do I eat now? [Are you hungry?] –No. – [Then wait until you’re hungry.]
After 8:15 am : Lord, this indigestion is horrible. Because of this, may I have a fudgsicle for breakfast to calm my stomach down? [Yes.] I think it’s the Vitamin D pill the doctor prescribed. Finally, I checked Google for side-effects. However indigestion as a side effect was not listed. (Since they do calm my stomach, I ate one fudgsicle.)
9 am: (Still had indigestion. Therefore I ate another fudgsicle.)
11am: Lord, what do I eat for lunch? (Ate leftover corned beef & cabbage with small piece of cornbread.)
45 mins. after lunch: (Ate 1 small roasted chicken leg.) Lord, could I have some chicken salad? [No.]
1 pm.: (There was leftover chocolate cake from Dad’s birthday on the table.) Lord I want some chocolate cake. – [No.]
Supper: (I didn’t write it down. Now I’ve forgotten. Sorry.)
Just before bed: Lord, I just ate two more fudgsicles. I didn’t care, didn’t ask, just ate them. Forgive me. Lord, make my heart want You more than anything.
3/21, WEDNESDAY: Lord, do I weigh myself this morning? [No, trust Me.] Lord, this is hard. [Trust Me Child.]
Breakfast: 2 tablespoons chicken salad, 3 apple slices.
9:45am.- I’m hungry with slight indigestion. (Drank one bottle of water.)
10:30am. -(Ate another fudgsicle.)
Lunch: (Two tablespoons chicken salad, 1 pear half with mayo & cheese.)
Supper: (Lettuce, tomato, & carrots with Ranch dressing, 1/2 hamburger patty, and handful of fried okra.)
3/22 THURSDAY: 6:45 am. -Lord, I’m hungry. What do I eat for breakfast? When do I eat? (Ate nothing, got busy, sidetracked.)
11:13am.- Lord, is it okay to leftover corned beef & cabbage? How about more chicken salad? [Yes on corned beef & cabbage, but only 1 tablespoon chicken salad and nothing else.] – – ( Ate corned beef & cabbage, 1 tablespoon chicken salad, and a little piece of cornbread.)
Supper: (Ate piece of roasted chicken, stir-fry vegetables, & salad with Ranch dressing.) Lord, I really want a piece of that pecan pie. (To begin with I resisted it. Then I ate a small pie of pecan pie. Afterwards, I wanted more pie, so I got a fudgsicle. Then I threw half of it away after feeling convicted.)
3/23 FRIDAY: Breakfast (Ate 1 tablespoon of chicken salad, 2 apple slices, 1/2 ham & cheese sandwich.)
Lunch: (Ate 1/2 bowl of pink eyed purple hulled peas, the best ever, 1/2 bowl of green beans & potatoes, and 2 slices apple.)
BINGE: (Ate 1/2 box of fudgsicles, and four or more pieces of Dad’s chocolate birthday cake. )
Supper: (Ate one fried chicken leg, new potatoes, and salad with Ranch dressing.)
While cleaning up the kitchen: (Ate right out of the pot, a lot of leftover potatoes.) Lord, forgive me.
3/24 SATURDAY: First thing, I started to weigh myself first to check for damage control. The Lord spoke to my heart, “Don’t weigh today, wait until Monday. Follow My eating plan for you. Trust Me and see what I will do.”
Supper: We had a family potluck. I followed my sister-in-law’s advice, “Just get only three spoonfuls of what you want.” So I had a little of everything including a spoonful of homemade cheesecake and peach cobbler. Okay, confession, I got more peach cobbler.
3/25 SUNDAY: First thing, I started to weigh myself. The Lord again spoke to my heart, ” Child, your weight is not important to Me. It’s your heart I’m interested in.”
Breakfast: (Ate 1/2 bowl Rice Chex with milk.)
Lunch: (Ate salad with Ranch dressing, and 3 bowls, yes 3 bowls, of baked steak, new potatoes, and carrots. ) Lord, forgive me, but it was so good.
Supper: I was still full from lunch, so I choose not to eat anything. After all, I’m going to weigh myself in the morning. Since I’m still full, I just won’t eat anything now.
After 9pm.- (Ate 4 fudgsicles. )
After 10pm. (Ate two bowls of leftover lima beans with ham.) Then I waddled off to bed shaking my head at myself. I can’t believe I ate all this. Now how’s this going to affect those scales in the morning?
After all these mess-ups, when I weighed myself Monday morning, the scales said I had lost 4 1/2 pounds. Wow! Now you know why I said, “God is a God of miracles. If He did it for me, the champion of mess-ups, certainly He will work a miracle in your life too.
Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand. Psalm 37:24
. . . Mercy triumphs over judgement. James 2: 13
But I have trusted in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has sealth bountifully with me. Psalm 13:5,6
Miracles still happen in spite of my stupidity. It’s amazing to me that I can share with you, my accountability partners, I had a weight loss of 4 1/2 pounds this past week. Just know it wasn’t due to my efforts, but because of God’s grace and patience with me. It’s due to His wonderful love and forgiveness.
God has granted me miracles within this weight loss journey. And He’ll grant you miracles in your weight loss journey too. Because God has allowed me to start over a million, trillion times, I know He has a new beginning for you too. After all, He’s no respecter of persons, especially me. It seems I’m the champion of mess ups. Instead of being an example of obedience, I’m the example of what not to do and how not to eat. Yet God never gives up on me. He hasn’t given up on you either.
Yes, there’s been many stupid decisions on my part. As the saying goes, “Stupid is, stupid does.” For those who look at my story for your encouragement, I ask your forgiveness. My story is not one of easy or quick success. No, it’s one of constant setbacks, struggles, and lots of failures on my part. The only victory I can claim is the victory and miracle of Jesus Christ.
For those who look to my food plan as a pattern for healthy eating, I also ask your forgiveness. You’ll be horrified when you read my next post about how much and what I ate. Yet, I still lost weight. It’s an amazing miracle to me. I can only give credit to God’s mercy.
My original weight loss of 90+ pounds (a major miracle in my life) was not due to what is considered by experts to be a healthy diet plan. No, instead it was due to portion control. God knew after a lifetime of trying to follow assorted diets and failing each one, I needed something I could live with.
Therefore I don’t follow a structured food plan/ diet at all. Don’t look for a diet plan here. Every diet plan I’ve ever tried only resulted in more weight gain when I returned to my normal eating patterns. So God led me to eat in smaller portions. Thereby portion control.
After my gaining back 30 pounds due to stupid decisions on my part, God is now working to teach me to stop and seek His will before I eat. Really I should seek His will before all things. Also He’s working to increase my trust in Him. And He’s focusing on helping me learn obedience to Him. Listen, every time I make a decision to obey Him, it’s a miracle. If you really knew me, you would know this is true.
Next post will be about food issues. Yuck!
Jesus looked hard at them and said, “No chance at all if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it.” Matthew 19:26MSG
Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6NKJV
For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, “Fear not, I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13NKJV
Lord, I’ve gained some weight back. How did this happen?
Child, if you listen to Me, then it will be gone.
But Lord, what do I do today?
For now, eat no more until your stomach growls.
But Lord, what if I get invited out to lunch?
Child . . . Trust Me. Now do you want a life of misery or peace?
Lord, I want peace.
Then let go. Let go of your resentment.
Lord, it’s hard to let go. Would You take it from me?
Child, you must remember I can’t take it from you unless you give it to Me.
Here Lord, I give my resentment to You. I’m so tired of “life.” Nothing has turned out like I thought it would. First of all, my dreams of monetary success didn’t happen. Then I keep returning to my source of failure. I feel as tough I’m just going through the motions of life, putting one foot in front of the other, trudging along in boredom and monotony.
Child, if only you’d allow Me to fill you with Myself, My Spirit, then you would find your life exciting.
Okay Lord, how? Tell me, how do I let You fill me?
First My child, I want you to sing to Me.
What? . . . Okay Lord, what do You want me to sing?
How about “Amazing Grace” for now.
(After singing “Amazing Grace”) Okay, Lord, I’ve sung it. Now what?
Sing it again.
What? Okay. (Sung it again.) Okay Lord, now I sung it. What’s next?
Now sing it again.
(Sung it again.) Lord, now I’ve sung it three times. So what now?
Child, it’s not about you.
It’s not about you.
Well Lord, tell me . . . what is it about?
What do You mean?
It’s about My grace. Look up the word grace. Also, look up regeneration and while you’re at it, look up sanctification too.
To begin with My Child, I give you My grace. It is My grace that heals, delivers, and sets free those who are captive in bondage. For it’s My grace that saves you, even from yourself.
Your assignment today is to sing throughout this day, everywhere you go and everything you do. Your first step toward losing this extra weight is singing.
What? This makes no sense.
Trust Me for I know what I’m doing. We’ll talk again tomorrow, but today I want you to sing.
Okay Lord, but what do I sing now?
I like “Jesus Loves Me, This I Know.” Sing that. Through these words you will be released from your personal prison.
“Sing and rejoice, O daughter of Zion! For behold, I am coming and I will dwell in your midst,” says the Lord. Zechariah 2:10
25 But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them. 26 Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were loosed. 27 And the keeper of the prison, awaking from sleep and seeing the prison doors open, supposing the prisoners had fled, drew his sword and was about to kill himself. 28 But Paul called with a loud voice, saying, “Do yourself no harm, for we are all here.”
29 Then he called for a light, ran in, and fell down trembling before Paul and Silas. 30 And he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”
31 So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” 32 Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house. 33 And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their stripes. And immediately he and all his family were baptized. 34 Now when he had brought them into his house, he set food before them; and he rejoiced, having believed in God with all his household.
Lord, my temptations have not brought me the joy of victory. No, instead they’ve brought failure and defeat. I’ve failed all the tests and have become completely entangled again in bingeing and eating until I’m sick, bloated, and gaining weight. Now I’m standing here before You in guilt and shame at the edge of failure.
No . . . My Child, you’re not standing at the edge of failure. You’re now standing at the edge of victory. Call on My Name – Jesus- for I am your victory.
Lord, I thought I was at victory before, but here I am now back at binge land. At this moment I’m the heaviest I’ve been since 2014. My face has been in the feeding trough, the slop bucket. In the book, “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young, (pg. 321) You stated that You weren’t repelled by our weaknesses. No, instead You said Your power was attracted to our weakness. How can You be attracted by my gluttony?
Yes My child, I am drawn to your weakness for I long to help those I love. I always want to help you succeed just as you always want to help those you love. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16 NKJV
My Child, I’ve come to offer you mercy, grace, and help you in your need of deliverance. Now I want to see you free of all this that has you entangled in bondage.
Lord, I feel nothing.
My child, you don’t have to feel Me to know I am with you.
Lord, I’m miserable now.
My child, I know this for I designed it that way. At the time you’re in sin, it seems enjoyable, but eventually sin brings forth great misery. Without the misery within sin, you wouldn’t cry out to Me.
Lord, I’m at another bottom, a sinkhole of misery. I feel as though I’m sinking in a food vat, a greasy food vat. Lord, I want what we once had before. I want to return to my joy within Your Presence. Can I come back to You?
Child, come here.
Lord, I don’t know what to do now.
Come here, I will lead you.
Lord, I want more of You.
Then My child, let go. Let go of what is in your hand because you can’t receive unless you let go.
Have mercy upon me, O God, According to Your lovingkindness; According to the multitude of Your tender mercies, Blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin. Psalm 51:1-2
Lord, would You cleanse me, wash me, and deliver me again from my own sin of destruction. Overall I feel doomed to keep repeating this sin of gluttony.
My child, in fact you aren’t doomed for I’ve already set you free. As a matter of fact it was My Blood that paid the price required for your freedom.
He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13-14
* Note: The Lord is helping me. Yes I made a lot of wrong choices, but praising God for His love, mercy and forgiveness. I’ve lost 4 pounds since writing this post. I don’t understand how He could be so patient with me.
I remember back in 2014, a potential publisher told me, “If we publish your book, you can never gain your weight back. It would be an embarrassment to our company.”
Someone once told me that angels are watching us and cheering us on. It’s occurred to me that I must follow God’s will especially with my eating. After all, when I overeat am I embarrassing God in front of His angels?
I’m so grateful He is giving me another chance to eat with Him again. Thank you Lord for Your love and mercy.
He’s patient with you too. He is full of love and mercy for you too, no matter what your past choices were. Go to Him and tell Him all about your issues. I promise He’ll listen. If He listens to me, He will listen to you. He loves you ever so greatly.