Lord, forgive my gluttony last night at supper. I was so tired from helping my parents prepare their house for their out-of-town company. After I got home I just wanted to go to bed, but then I had company of my own coming! I had to prepare our supper and then clean up. I just wanted to lay my head on the kitchen table and go to sleep! My supper consisted of bought fried chicken, mashed potatoes with gravy, corn on the cob, and for dessert “hot apple pie”. Then because I was so very tired and stressed out, I searched the kitchen for more food! I found a Snicker Bar, peanut butter cookies, and a nice piece of Boston Crème pie.
Shortly after I consumed all that, my stomach began really hurting. It was so painful that I had to hold my stomach and stand still waiting for the pain to ease. This pain continued to roll through my stomach even after I went to bed. I thought I’m really sick this time! But I didn’t get sick, I just hurt throughout the night. Now I have a new compassion for a little child with a “tummy ache”. I had a “tummy ache” and it was a powerful one! Lord, we both know that my body was not hungry, but just so very tired! I didn’t even stop eating long enough to seek Your will about what to eat, I just opened the refrigerator and started eating!
I now think of Esau and how easily he gave up his birthright for just a bowl of stew. Lord, I was giving up Your Presence for the comfort of food. And what did the food bring me? Nothing, but extreme stomach pain! Lord, only Your Presence brings comfort and peace. Oh, why did I so quickly run to the food when I could have had You? Lord, please forgive my sin of placing the food ahead of You! When I went to the food for comfort, I chose it instead of Your Sweet Presence! I don’t want to lose my birthright of Your Presence, of communion with You! Please accept me back into the arms of Your Presence! I praise You for this stomach pain for it caused me to look at my heart motives. Lord, I ask that You remove all the desires for excess food from my heart and replace them with a desire for more of You! I ask just as King David did in Psalm 51, restore unto me Your Presence. Lord, his weakness was an attractive woman, my weakness is an attractive dessert. But the prayer asking forgiveness is the same for both of us. Create in me a new heart, forgive my sin, and restore unto me Your Presence!
Lord, I love You and I want to serve You! Lead me, teach me, help me to obey You with all of my heart, soul, and mind! Lord, I give myself to You even with my sin and my excess weight! Do with me as You will!
(My child, I have already forgiven you. It is true that when you are truly tired I do want you to come to Me, for I will give you rest. The excess food gave you pain; I never give pain, only comfort and peace. David thought that beautiful woman could bring him pleasure and comfort. But how many times have you turned to food for pleasure and comfort? Lust is lust is lust! Both sins are just “lust” for pleasure. If only My children would realize that true pleasure can only come from Me! When I state that “I AM”, that means I AM everything you need! Didn’t I previously instruct you that I AM ALL?)
Yes Lord, You did! Please forgive me! Thank you for this stomach pain that opened my eyes to the truth in my heart!
(My child, know this, sinful choices always bring pain either to yourself or to others affected by you, sometimes both! Sin is pain! But yet, how blind some of My children are! They don’t see the truth! It breaks My heart to know what a blessed life they could have, but they run quickly to their sinful pleasures which only results in pain. If only they would open their eyes to see the truth! They hear Me calling unto them with offerings of comfort and peace, but they close their ears to My voice. They hear that the truth will set you free, but they turn away from the truth and run quickly to the lies of sinful pleasures. If only My children would come unto Me, but their hard-hearted prideful hearts are unwilling to surrender themselves, so they close their eyes and ears to the truth!)
If only You, My Lord, could wave a magic wand to cause them to see the truth!
(My child, this is the one thing that I am unable to do! For I created the unchangeable law of “free will”. Each soul has been given the gift of “free will” and I can not take it back. I will not take it back! I want My children to choose to love Me, not be forced to! That would not be love, but rather it would be slavery! Forced devotion is slavery, not love!)
—– . . . “All day long I have stretched out My hand to a disobedient and contrary people.” Roman 10:21 NKJV
—– We love Him because He first loved us. I John 1:19 NKJV
——Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30NKJV
**Note: This post was written in the past. Praise God, as of last Monday, I have now lost 41 pounds. Praise God for victory!
Trish Z.
April 3, 2014 at 2:20 am
Thank you for sharing your struggles. I, too, have just lost 44 pounds as a result of surrendering to God (with the help of Celebrate Recovery where I’m admitting to God and my friends that I have a food addiction). You words, “Lord, I was giving up Your Presence for the comfort of food. And what did the food bring me? Nothing, but extreme stomach pain! Lord, only Your Presence brings comfort and peace. Oh, why did I so quickly run to the food when I could have had You? Lord, please forgive my sin of placing the food ahead of You! When I went to the food for comfort, I chose it instead of Your Sweet Presence!” is powerful and very helpful. I’ve hit a “lull” in my weight, only because I’m overindulging again and I’m really not working my plan very well. Your prayer have hit the spot for me and serve as a reminder to surrender it all again and to rest in his arms. I need to go back to listening to him and asking, “Lord, what do you want me to put in YOUR temple today?”. Thanks again for sharing!
deborahcrocker
April 3, 2014 at 9:40 pm
Dear Trish, Thank you for your words of encouragement to me. It is my prayer that this “writing” help someone else maintain their own conversations with the “Mighty One”, the only one that can set us free! Your comment was God’s answer to my prayer! Keep me posted on your continued progress. Isn’t God great! Thanks again for encouraging me to continue writing!