In May 2013, I weighed 241 lbs. and served as a cook for Celebrate Recovery. God has a real sense of humor putting me in a place of service right in the middle of my addiction.
Sometimes we “Christians” look down on others thinking to ourselves, “I’m not as bad as that.” Sin is sin and addiction is addiction. I know.
Week after week I heard ex-addicts testify and share their stories of God’s mercy and freedom of His deliverance. I serve them food at the meetings, at home I’m secretly intoxicating myself with food pleasure. As I listened to their stories I hung my head in shame for I knew I was drowning in my food addiction.
I attended the women’s addiction group and confessed my addiction to them. To my surprise they accepted and loved on me. I drew from their strength and power and asked the leader if she would be my sponsor. She agreed.
Things rocked along smoothly for a while, then I succumbed to a major food binge. For years I used food as my comfort source to cope with the stresses of life. My old enemy, “Gluttony Monster” fought against all my resolve to resist temptation and he won.
After I confessed my failure to my sponsor, she became overwhelmed. “I can’t work with you. I’m an ex-addict. I know how to help drug addicts, but I don’t know how to help someone with a food addiction. Maybe you just need to go to a dietician.”
I cried for three days. I felt rejected by an ex-drug addict. Was I hopeless? Is there any hope for me?
She did tell me that she knew food addiction was hard to overcome. Drug addicts and alcoholics once delivered by God can put their addiction in a cage and never go back. But someone with a food addiction is like having a tiger in a cage. You have to take it out three times a day and pet it. Then put it back in the cage until the next time. She said she knew it was hard but she felt inadequate to help me.
This didn’t help, I still felt rejected and hopeless. Now what? I did go to a dietician and had some success only to return to overeating 24/7. I continued to look for someone who could help me at Celebrate Recovery. I went through several accountability partners only to fail each one. My failures continued to pile up. My sense of failure outgrew my body.
Finally in May 2013, weighing 241, I cried out in desperation to God and asked Him for direction. I was a failure and defeated. I asked Him if I needed to go to a professional counselor because I just could not stop eating. Was there something wrong with me? Maybe I needed psychological help.
He spoke to my heart and I will never forget it.
“I AM your counselor, come to Me.”
. . . And His Name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God. . . Isaiah 9:6
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy; I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10
Therefore, if the Son makes you free; you shall be free indeed. John 8:36