Backslidden & Inconsistent -With the Holy 30 Devotional – Day 25 & 26

Lord, I’ve backslidden and gained some weight.  I may as well be honest with You and everyone else.. . . . I’ve fell off the wagon. . . .Could You have mercy on me? (At this time I’ve gained approx. 30 lbs. throughout 2017, but lost 4 lbs. this week. Thank you Jesus.)

How did this happen? When did it happen? I remember last February on our trip to Israel, I wore size 10 jeans with tights under them due to the cold. Now I can’t get into those size 10 pants. And all my skirts are way too tight. Lord, . . . what happened? When did this happen? How could I do this? I’m so ashamed.

Let’s see. . .  as I look back over last years’s datebook I see I had gained 10 pounds by last April, then another 10 by July, and then another 10 by October. In my datebook I kept documentation of my weight as it slowly went up and down, but mostly up. How could I go backwards? I’ve lost my testimony of Your delivering power.

I can just hear Satan snickering now as he asks You, “Have You noticed Your servant, Deborah? Getting a little plump around the middle, don’t You think?” Then he laughs in Your face. . . Lord, . . . (hanging my head in shame) please forgive me for embarrassing You.

Help me find my way back to victory again. Is it possible? Or have I gone too far backwards? Lord, I don’t want to weigh over 240 again. And for another thing, I want my beautiful size 10 clothes back. Is there any hope for me?

Child, you didn’t fall off a wagon. No, you fell out of My will. You chose your will for instant gratification, not Mine. Yes, I will forgive you I will help you. But you will choose how long this process takes. It depends on your willingness to trust Me and follow My directions. My child, all things are possible.

Between last Saturday and today, Monday, I’ve gained  5 pounds. How did this happen? I had made such good progress. It took all week to lose that 5 pounds and now I’ve gained it back in two days.  Two days?

My father-in-law (97 yrs.) passed away last week and his funeral was last Saturday. Here in the South, we feed the grieving.  Lord, even though I ate a little dessert, I thought I ate in submission to Your instructions at the funeral meal. I know I said I was going to give up desserts until I got back into my size 10 pants, but it was just a bite of cake and a half cookie.

Then on the same day, Saturday evening, my sister’s grandchild got married. A wedding and a funeral on the same day. I’m so tired. Can I do this? It was a beautiful wedding. But while there, I ate the appetizers, including the chocolate covered strawberries. By then I had lost control and went back for more. Thank you Lord, there were none left.  Why didn’t I just drink coffee or lemonade without eating? Those appetizers were my third meal of the day.

Then after we returned home, one of the church members brought by some homemade taco soup. More “feed the grieving”. Thank you Lord, I’m so tired and  there is no way I could cook supper. It was so good, I wanted more, but ate chocolate sugar free popsicles instead. But then before bed, I was eating the cold taco soup with a spoon right out of the refrigerator followed by chunks of sweet rolls too. Backslidden into gluttony.

Lord, will I ever be free of this compulsion to overeat?

Yes child, you will. You broke free once before and you will again. With My power you can achieve anything. You can defeat your enemies. You can overcome. Your victory is assured, for I have won the victory over all. 

Lord, why do I do this? How can I destroy this compulsive pattern of compulsive overeating?

Child, I have already destroyed it. 

Then why am I so easily defeated? Lord, I’ve backslidden into gluttony. Why?

Because you haven’t accepted My victory. You expect to fail. You have given the food power by your expectation of defeat. Now expect victory. Praise Me for your victory, for I am your victory. Sing “Victory in Jesus”. 

Child, you will succeed again. It will not be through your work, but it will be through My already won victory. 

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Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy, the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith. I Peter 5: 8-9

With God, everything is possible. Matthew 19:26

You are truly My disciples if you live as I tell you to, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:31-32

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Remember, I did not write these devotionals, but this sounds like me.

**The short devotional, “Holy 30” (See picture of Day 25 & Day 26) is based on I Peter 1:16. First Baptist of Tillman’s Corner published this devotional. I didn’t write any of it, but I do have permission to share it with you.

If you would like some additional information about our church check out this website:    http://www.fbtc.org/ . You can also listen to some sermons from our pastors. Enjoy them, I do.

Sing For Your Freedom And Your Victory

Lord, I’ve gained some weight back. How did this happen?

Child, if you listen to Me, then it will be gone.

But Lord, what do I do today?

For now, eat no more until your stomach growls.

But Lord, what if I get invited out to lunch?

Child . . . Trust Me. Now do you want a life of misery or peace?

Lord, I want peace.

Then let go. Let go of your resentment.

Lord, it’s hard to let go. Would You take it from me?

Child, you must remember I can’t take it from you unless you give it to Me.

Here Lord, I give my resentment to You. I’m so tired of “life.” Nothing has turned out like I thought it would. First of all, my dreams of monetary success didn’t happen. Then I keep returning to my source of failure. I feel as tough I’m just going through the motions of life, putting one foot in front of the other, trudging along in boredom and monotony.

Child, if only you’d allow Me to fill you with Myself, My Spirit, then you would find your life exciting.

Okay Lord, how? Tell me, how do I let You fill me?

First My child, I want you to sing to Me.

What? . . . Okay Lord, what do You want me to sing?

How about “Amazing Grace” for now.

 

 

(After singing “Amazing Grace”) Okay, Lord, I’ve sung it. Now what?

Sing it again.

What? Okay. (Sung it again.) Okay Lord, now I sung it. What’s next?

Now sing it again.

(Sung it again.) Lord, now I’ve sung it three times. So what now?

Child, it’s not about you.

What?

It’s not about you.

Well Lord, tell me . . . what is it about?

My grace.

What do You mean?

It’s about My grace. Look up the word grace. Also, look up regeneration and while you’re at it, look up sanctification too.

To begin with My Child, I give you My grace. It is My grace that heals, delivers, and sets free those who are captive in bondage. For it’s My grace that saves you, even from yourself.

Your assignment today is to sing throughout this day, everywhere you go and everything you do. Your first step toward losing this extra weight is singing.

What? This makes no sense.

Trust Me for I know what I’m doing. We’ll talk again tomorrow, but today I want you to sing.

Okay Lord, but what do I sing now?

I like “Jesus Loves Me, This I Know.” Sing that. Through these words you will be released from your personal prison.

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“Sing and rejoice, O daughter of Zion! For behold, I am coming and I will dwell in your midst,” says the Lord. Zechariah 2:10

Acts 16

25 But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them. 26 Suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone’s chains were loosed. 27 And the keeper of the prison, awaking from sleep and seeing the prison doors open, supposing the prisoners had fled, drew his sword and was about to kill himself. 28 But Paul called with a loud voice, saying, “Do yourself no harm, for we are all here.”

29 Then he called for a light, ran in, and fell down trembling before Paul and Silas. 30 And he brought them out and said, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

31 So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” 32 Then they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house. 33 And he took them the same hour of the night and washed their stripes. And immediately he and all his family were baptized. 34 Now when he had brought them into his house, he set food before them; and he rejoiced, having believed in God with all his household.

Edge of Victory

Lord, my temptations have not brought me the joy of victory. No, instead they’ve brought failure and defeat. I’ve failed all the tests and have become completely entangled again in bingeing and eating until I’m sick, bloated, and gaining weight. Now I’m standing here before You in guilt and shame at the edge of failure.

No . . . My Child, you’re not standing at the edge of failure. You’re now standing at the edge of victory. Call on My Name – Jesus- for I am your victory.

Lord, I thought I was at victory before, but here I am now back at binge land. At this moment I’m the heaviest I’ve been since 2014. My face has been in the feeding trough, the slop bucket. In the book, “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young,  (pg. 321) You stated that You weren’t repelled by our weaknesses. No, instead You said Your power was attracted to our weakness. How can You be attracted by my gluttony?

Yes My child, I am drawn to your weakness for I long to help those I love. I always want to help you succeed just as you always want to help those you love. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16 NKJV

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My Child, I’ve come to offer you mercy, grace, and help you in your need of deliverance. Now I want to see you free of all this that has you entangled in bondage.

Lord, I feel nothing.

My child, you don’t have to feel Me to know I am with you.

Lord, I’m miserable now.

My child, I know this for I designed it that way. At the time you’re in sin, it seems enjoyable, but eventually sin brings forth great misery.  Without the misery within sin, you wouldn’t cry out to Me.

Lord, I’m at another bottom, a sinkhole of misery. I feel as though I’m sinking in a food vat, a greasy food vat. Lord, I want what we once had before. I want to return to my joy within Your Presence. Can I come back to You?

Child, come here.

Lord, I don’t know what to do now.

Come here, I will lead you.

Lord, I want more of You.

Then My child, let go. Let go of what is in your hand because you can’t receive unless you let go.

Have mercy upon me, O God,
According to Your lovingkindness;
According to the multitude of Your tender mercies,
Blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
And cleanse me from my sin. Psalm 51:1-2

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Lord, would You cleanse me, wash me, and deliver me again from my own sin of  destruction. Overall I feel doomed to keep repeating this sin of gluttony.

My child, in fact you aren’t doomed for I’ve already set you free.  As a matter of fact it was My Blood that paid the price required for your freedom.

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He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13-14

* Note: The Lord is helping me. Yes I made a lot of wrong choices, but praising God for His love, mercy and forgiveness. I’ve lost 4 pounds since writing this post. I don’t understand how He could be so patient with me.

I remember back in 2014, a potential publisher told me, “If we publish your book, you can never gain your weight back. It would be an embarrassment to our company.”

Someone once told me that angels are watching us and cheering us on. It’s occurred to me that I must follow God’s will especially with my eating. After all, when I overeat am I embarrassing God in front of His angels?

I’m so grateful He is giving me another chance to eat with Him again. Thank you Lord for Your love and mercy.

He’s patient with you too. He is full of love and mercy for you too, no matter what your past choices were. Go to Him and tell Him all about your issues. I promise He’ll listen. If He listens to me, He will listen to you. He loves you ever so greatly.

 

New Food Plan

img_9102Lord, I made a pact with another to eat no desserts for a week. I kept my promise, but I didn’t lose any weight. Well, maybe a pound.

Then the week was over and I ate a couple of mini-ice creams in one day. Gained that one pound back.

Lord, I was at a 93 pound loss and Continue reading New Food Plan

THE CALL OF FOOD LUST

 

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SEE NO EVIL

Hey you, . . . come here.

Look at me, don’t you see me?

Oh baby,  don’t I look  good.

You just want to eat me with a spoon.

I’m so sweet and creamy.

Come on now. You know you want me.

I’m waiting here just for you.

All alone here by myself,

the last of my sweetness.

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Continue reading THE CALL OF FOOD LUST