New Heart, Need One? Get It Here.

Lord, I need a new heart. First, I want to thank you for Your peace. But I think I really need a new heart. Would You guide me, direct me, and lead me to Your will? I praise up to You  for who You are, the God of all. Would You guide my mouth and my thoughts so they honor You?  I want Your will in all things. Please take all thoughts out of my heart if they’re not pleasing to You. Lord, You know Your will and that’s what I want.

Child, I am teaching you throughout all this you call life. I am teaching you.

Lord, please forgive me for being selfish. I know it’s selfish, but I do want my size 10″s back. I know I backslid into binge eating, but is it possible? Would You allow me to return back to where I was? I know You’re a God of mercy and forgiveness. And I know that I willingly went into the gluttony/binge eating with the way I loved food. Also I have to admit and confess that I still love food. The only hope for me is if You take this desire away from my heart. Help me to desire You more than my necessary food.

There are so many suffering from such hardships, struggles, even persecutions, and yet, I’m asking forgiveness for my own selfishness. Also I ask for Your help within my eating and to lose this extra weight.

I do want to stay in Your will. It was my greed and selfishness that caused me to overeat to begin with. You delivered me of the excess weight of 90 pounds. Yet, I returned to my binge eating after walking in this deliverance for almost two years.

Lord, can I go back to where I once was? I guess my priorities are still wrong because I’m more focused on my size 10’s instead of my relationship with You. Help me to focus more on You and Your will for each of my days. Change me and make me into what You want me to be, whether it’s the size I am now or back to what I once was.

All I know now Lord, is just make me into what You want me to be, size 10 or not. I give myself to You, do with me what You want. I surrender.

Child, others can lose weight with head knowledge. But you, . . . I demand your heart. It’s time for more surgery, another heart circumcision. I’m going to cut this love of food from your heart. From now on, food will not control you. I’m cutting out this misplace love of food and putting in more love both for Me and for others. 

Thank you Lord.

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I have set the Lord always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Psalm 16:8NKJV

Miracles Happen In Spite Of-

Miracles still happen. Yes, in spite of my stupidity, miracles still happen. For those enquiring minds who want to know, from March 19th to March 25, I’ve lost 4 1/2 pounds. Wow! Yes, God still works miracles today. Ya’ll hear me? He still works miracles.

What follows now is a my eating record. Overall it’s boring, yet at the same time it’s amazing how God has showed me grace and forgiveness. To all you who focus on healthy eating, please accept my apology. Once you read this, you’ll realize if I can lose weight in spite of all these mess-ups, surely you can lose weight too. You’ll see. After all, you’ll be amazed at the amount of grace God has, both for me and you too.

Beginning 3/19, MONDAY: Lord, what do I eat for breakfast today? (Ate- wheat toast with butter, 1/2 cup apple juice, & 1 tablespoon chicken salad.) Lord, can I have two tablespoons chicken salad? – [No]  – Lord, can I have a pear half with mayo & cheese? [Yes, you may. But choose the smallest one.]

Mid-morning: Lord, I have such severe indigestion. Can I have one no sugar added fudgsicle? (Ate one. Granted it helped, but I didn’t wait for an answer.)

Lunch: Lord, can I have more chicken salad? [Yes, but only two spoonfuls. No more.]

Later afternoon: Lord, this indigestion is awful. Since the first one helped, can I have another fudgsicle? (Ate two. Granted they helped my indigestion.  But again,  I didn’t wait for an answer.)

Supper: (Ate 1 bowl of corned beef and cabbage, 1/2 piece cornbread, & 1 roasted chicken leg.)

3/20, TUESDAY: Lord, lead me today concerning Your will, what I am to eat, not eat, cook, not cook, do, not do, think, not thin, and say, not say.

Breakfast: Lord, what do I eat now? [Are you hungry?] –No. – [Then wait until you’re hungry.]

After 8:15 am : Lord, this indigestion is horrible. Because of this, may I have a fudgsicle for breakfast to calm my stomach down? [Yes.] I think it’s the Vitamin D pill the doctor prescribed. Finally, I checked Google for side-effects. However indigestion as a side effect was not listed. (Since they do calm my stomach, I ate one fudgsicle.)

9 am: (Still had indigestion. Therefore I ate another fudgsicle.)

11am: Lord, what do I eat for lunch? (Ate leftover corned beef & cabbage with small piece of cornbread.)

45 mins. after lunch: (Ate 1 small roasted chicken leg.) Lord, could I have some chicken salad? [No.]

1 pm.: (There was leftover chocolate cake from Dad’s birthday on the table.) Lord I want some chocolate cake. – [No.]

Supper: (I didn’t write it down. Now I’ve forgotten. Sorry.)

Just before bed: Lord, I just ate two more fudgsicles. I didn’t care, didn’t ask, just ate them. Forgive me. Lord, make my heart want You more than anything.

3/21, WEDNESDAY: Lord, do I weigh myself this morning? [No, trust Me.] Lord, this is hard. [Trust Me Child.]

Breakfast: 2 tablespoons chicken salad, 3 apple slices.

9:45am.- I’m hungry with slight indigestion. (Drank one bottle of water.)

10:30am. -(Ate another fudgsicle.)

Lunch: (Two tablespoons chicken salad, 1 pear half with mayo & cheese.)

Supper: (Lettuce, tomato, & carrots with Ranch dressing, 1/2 hamburger patty, and handful of fried okra.)

3/22 THURSDAY: 6:45 am. -Lord, I’m hungry. What do I eat for breakfast? When do I eat? (Ate nothing, got busy, sidetracked.)

11:13am.- Lord, is it okay to leftover corned beef & cabbage? How about more chicken salad? [Yes on corned beef & cabbage, but only 1 tablespoon chicken salad and nothing else.] – – ( Ate corned beef & cabbage, 1 tablespoon chicken salad, and a little piece of cornbread.)

Supper: (Ate piece of roasted chicken, stir-fry vegetables, & salad with Ranch dressing.) Lord, I really want a piece of that pecan pie. (To begin with I resisted it. Then I ate a small pie of pecan pie. Afterwards, I wanted more pie, so I got a fudgsicle. Then I threw half of it away after feeling convicted.)

3/23 FRIDAY: Breakfast (Ate 1 tablespoon of chicken salad, 2 apple slices, 1/2 ham & cheese sandwich.)

Lunch: (Ate 1/2 bowl of pink eyed purple hulled peas, the best ever, 1/2 bowl of green beans & potatoes, and 2 slices apple.)

BINGE: (Ate 1/2 box of fudgsicles, and four or more pieces of Dad’s chocolate birthday cake. )

Supper: (Ate one fried chicken leg, new potatoes, and salad with Ranch dressing.)

While cleaning up the kitchen: (Ate right out of the pot, a lot of leftover potatoes.) Lord, forgive me.

3/24 SATURDAY: First thing, I started to weigh myself first to check for damage control. The Lord spoke to my heart, “Don’t weigh today, wait until Monday. Follow My eating plan for you. Trust Me and see what I will do.”

Breakfast: (2 slices apple, 2 tablespoons chicken salad.)

Lunch: (1 fried chicken leg, 1 tablespoon chicken salad, & 3 slices of apple. )

Supper: We had a family potluck. I followed my sister-in-law’s advice, “Just get only three spoonfuls of what you want.” So I had a little of everything including a spoonful of homemade cheesecake and peach cobbler. Okay, confession, I got more peach cobbler.

3/25 SUNDAY: First thing, I started to weigh myself. The Lord again spoke to my heart, ” Child, your weight is not important to Me. It’s your heart I’m interested in.”

Breakfast: (Ate 1/2 bowl Rice Chex with milk.)

Lunch: (Ate salad with Ranch dressing, and 3 bowls, yes 3 bowls, of baked steak, new potatoes, and carrots. ) Lord, forgive me, but it was so good.

Supper: I was still full from lunch, so I choose not to eat anything. After all, I’m going to weigh myself in the morning. Since I’m still full, I just won’t eat anything now.

After 9pm.- (Ate 4 fudgsicles. )

After 10pm. (Ate two bowls of leftover lima beans with ham.) Then I waddled off to bed shaking my head at myself.  I can’t believe I ate all this. Now how’s this going to affect those scales in the morning?

After all these mess-ups, when I weighed myself Monday morning, the scales said I had lost 4 1/2 pounds. Wow! Now you know why I said, “God is a God of miracles. If He did it for me, the champion of mess-ups, certainly He will work a miracle in your life too.

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Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand. Psalm 37:24

. . . Mercy triumphs over judgement. James 2: 13

But I have trusted in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has sealth bountifully with me. Psalm 13:5,6

I threw this cake in the garbage to remove the temptation.

Got Plastered/ Holy 30 Devotional- Day 29 & 30

Lord, is there any hope for me? I must confess, but You saw what I did and You know. Yesterday, I got plastered, yes plastered, by my drug of choice- food. (*See note at end.)

I choose to be a vegetable yesterday, not eat vegetables, but BE a vegetable. I sat in my chair all day, watched movies , grazed in the kitchen (or my chair), and got plastered on everything I could find to eat. It’s a good thing I was too lazy to go to the store for more. Otherwise, it would have been worse.

Lord, I was so bummed out over this dog situation. I’m never praying for You to send a dog again.

Yes, be careful what you pray for. Sometimes I do give you exactly what you ask for even though it’s not the best for you, just to let you learn what is not best for you. 

You asked for a dog that your husband would like. I sent you a manly dog, tough and macho. Your husband liked him, but you always had that underlying slight fear, especially when you read those bad reports about this breed. 

You feared for your grandchildren feeding this dog while you were gone on your trip, which I orchestrated by the way. But I told you then, that I had shut the mouth of a lion. Then I asked did you not think I could shut the mouth of a dog too?

Yes, that gave you peace, but you can’t deny the relief you felt when you returned and saw all was safe. This dog is leaving your home because I will not have My children living in fear, no matter how unwarranted it is. Child, sometimes fear is a good thing if it is wisdom disguised as fear. But sometimes fear is sent to distract My children from My will and My love for them. Then they take their eyes off of Me and get their eyes focused on their fear instead. Didn’t one of your Presidents say these words? “We have nothing to fear, but fear itself.” 

Yes, I’m giving this dog a new home, rest assured. Then you can focus on what’s left, your husband, your family, your home, the “grand-dog”, and your new assignment.

Yes, I did lead your friend to send you a text of encouragement about her earning four stars in four days, a star for each day of eating in submission to My will. Do you remember how I led you to write that?

Yes Sir.

Now I want you to return back to your starting mark again, specifically the START OVER mark. Return back to My Presence and start over again. You will return to eating food that is beneficial to your body and turn away from this useless, unnecessary food. You will also learn a new way of cooking to benefit your husband. He will lose weight too. Oh, and the grand-dog, Willow, will lose weight as well. Remember how the vet told you that the best thing you can do for this dog is to stop feeding him.

I say stop over feeding him, your husband, your family, and especially yourself. Extra food is not your friend. No, it is your enemy. Extra food steals your victory and leaves you defeated and discouraged. So why do you run to food for comfort?

Now today is a new day. No longer will you say, “I got plastered.” No longer will you turn to food for comfort. Now walk in the path I have prepared for you, which by the way does not include your television. 

Note: This post was written earlier this week. For more information, see the previous post. This post is part two of that story.

At this time life is so much better. Eating is under God’s control now. He is a good God and patient too.

The pit bull was adopted by some relatives of one of our friends. They have 3 acres of land for him to run in. We only have a small suburban yard. His new family stays in contact with me about how’s he doing. They even sent me pictures. It seems all is happy especially the dog.

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Holy 30 Devotional

**This short devotional, “Holy 30” (See picture of Day 29 & Day 30) is based on I Peter 1:16. First Baptist of Tillman’s Corner published this devotional. I didn’t write any of it, but I do have permission to share it with you. These are the last two entries of this devotional.

If you would like some additional information about our church check out this website:    http://www.fbtc.org/ . You can also listen to some sermons from our pastors. Enjoy them, I do.

This is the last of the Holy 30 devotional.

Be blessed My Friend,

How I Ate This Weekend. Dieters Beware. Triple XXX Rating.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye. Psalm 32:8 NKJV

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Last week a friend asked how I ate. I tried to answer her questions. She wanted more information. I thought a picture is worth 1,000 words, so I’ll just take pictures of my food.

Disclaimer: I apologize to all who eat clean, carb free, or follow diet rules. These food pictures don’t fit any of those plans. This is how God instructed me to eat. I’ve lost 87 pounds,  gone from a size 18/20 pants to size 10 pants and from size X-L /14-18 tops to size S/6-10 tops. Wow!

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Taken May 2013, weighing 241.

I’ve failed every diet I tried with 41 years of failure. My first paid weight loss group was in 1974. We ate tuna fish 5x a week. Yuck. It’s amazing what we do to lose weight. I never tried surgery, only because I was afraid.

In May 2013, I weighed 241 pounds. In desperation, embarrassment, and total defeat I cried out to God. I’d tried everything only to end up in failure. I was broken in defeat with no hope, no other options and turned to God begging for help. Considering all the people in the world with severe needs, it was pathetic.

IMG_6156God didn’t care how pathetic I was, He reached out to help me. I was a food drunk eating almost 24/7.

God whispered to my heart, “Eat three meals a day with no snacks. Eat anything you want including desserts, but no snacks. Do this for 40 days.”

Seemed simple enough. I thought maybe I can do this. It took  60 days to achieve 40 days of three meals with no snacks. Then I asked Him, “What now?”

Again He spoke to my heart, “Continue eating your three meals with no snacks. Now cut your food in half.”

You won’t believe how I eat now, yet continue losing weight. I feel like a walking, talking miracle. So here goes, food pictures:

Friday: Breakfast- I/2 apple with  peanut butter & a caramel flavored rice cake. (I like the flavor and crunchiness.)

Lunch- Forgot what I ate, don’t keep a food journal. Mostly I just eat half of whatever, so I don’t need to write it down.  It may have been soup & 1/2 sandwich.

Supper- We went out with friends to a new Italian restaurant. I ordered house salad with Thousand Island dressing, Penne Basilica with extra mushrooms, and Tiramisu for dessert. (Shared dessert with husband.)

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New Italian restaurant. ***** five stars- great food. Highly recommended. Large portions, enough to take home for later.
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Our friends ordered an appetizer of fried onion rings. I ate one with the mariner sauce.
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The side salad. I ate the large vegetables and left half the lettuce.
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Penne Basilica- chicken, broccoli, pesto cream sauce with pasta. I ordered extra mushrooms. My plate was the largest serving on the table. Wow!
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Tiramisu- Hubby and I both ate half. Not my favorite.
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I took home half the entrée with a piece of bread. I ate a half piece of bread at my meal.

Now for Saturday’s food :

Breakfast: One large serving cheese grits from a gas station that served breakfast. I left about three large bites and threw it away. Hubby and I were out and about.

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Lunch served on a saucer, half the leftover pasta. The other half was still in the go box. I added three pieces of fried squash. (Southern favorite. The only way Hubby will eat squash.)
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A favorite dessert, ice cream with pear pieces and juice. I usually eat half a coffee cup of ice cream (about 3 large spoonful’s.)

Lunch: Leftover pasta, fried squash, and dessert, ice cream with canned pear pieces.

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Saturday supper: I ate one whole can of soup 200 calories. Don’t count calories, but thought it was okay to eat all the soup due to low calories.
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My dessert with Saturday supper. One, yes I said one Hersey’s kiss. Let it melt in your mouth, lot of chocolate pleasure for only 22 calories

 Now for Sunday’s meals:

Skipped breakfast. Hubby insists on being at church at 8 a.m. for his music practice before church. Hoping someone brings a treat to our Sunday School class.

No treats in Sunday school. After church we ate lunch at a favorite neighborhood restaurant, “Neighbors”. Large servings, plenty to bring home for later.  Great food, whatever you order. Five stars. ****

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Almost forgot to take a picture. Ordered three-piece chicken dinner with sides of turnip greens, mac n cheese, and corn bread. The plate came with four pieces and a roll. I asked for cornbread. You can’t eat turnips without cornbread.
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I ate half the turnips, half the mac n cheese, two small pieces chicken, and one half of the corn muffins. There were four pieces of chicken, so I thought I could eat two of the smaller pieces. That’s half, right?

Sunday night after church there was a reception to honor our pastors. Since I didn’t eat breakfast, I could now eat cake. Yea, my favorite. This would be my second meal today.

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I love, love cake icing. I know, pure sugar and lard.
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Since I eat half the cake, I eat my favorite part, the icing. Throw away the cake part.

When we got home from church it was soup and sandwich again. I overstocked canned soup so we’re trying to eat it.

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For late supper I ate a whole can of soup. In hindsight, I think I should have eaten only half because I felt too full afterwards. Lesson learned, don’t eat past full. Hubby has two slices of bread and two slices cheese, grilled in butter. Mine is one slice bread, one slice cheese, grilled in butter. That’s a half serving, right.
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Another half coffee cup of ice cream with a half cookie for dessert. I like ice cream. Can ice cream count as a milk serving?

Then for dessert, more ice cream. I always eat my ice cream in a coffee cup for portion control.

I haven’t weighed since mid-Sept. I’m seeking God’s will for my goal weight.           Now I can wear size 10 dress pants. Wow! I don’t ever remember wearing that size in my life. I plan to weigh on November 1. I’ll let ya’ll know how it turned out. Then I guess I’ll discover what maintenance is.

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87 pounds forever gone!

So far, 87 pounds of excess weight gone forever. Since I’m not on a diet, I have nothing to go off of. I am eating normal just less. I can live with that. I feel like a walking, talking miracle. God has set me free from a lifetime of obesity, obsessive dieting, (another form of bondage, and a failure complex. I’m walking in the gift of His victory for me. It’s not through my works, but through His grace. He has healed me and set me free.

VICTORY

—- The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.     Psalms 37:23-24

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Walking with a granddaughter.

Lord, I just want to thank you for guiding my steps:

  • Steps to grow closer to You
  • Steps to grow stronger in my body
  • Steps in eating less
  • Steps in  friendships with others
  • Steps to my victory

You hold my victory in Your hand and for this I praise You. Continue reading VICTORY

IT'S A "GOD" THING – 71 pounds gone.

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At my largest Notice my Celebrate Recovery t-shirt. On the left is Cheryl my 4th accountability partner

In May 2013, I weighed 241 lbs. and served as a cook for Celebrate Recovery. God has a real sense of humor putting me in a place of service right in the middle of my addiction.

Sometimes we “Christians” look down on others thinking to ourselves, “I’m not as bad as that.”  Sin is sin and addiction is addiction. I know.

Continue reading IT'S A "GOD" THING – 71 pounds gone.

Victory Over Christmas Candy

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Taken at First Baptist of Tillman’s Corner

Lord, my niece asked me to make her favorite Christmas candy for our family gathering. Sigh. It’s made of sugar, and more sugar. I boil it and beat it with the mixer, then by hand. Then I put the nuts in it and drop it by the spoonful on wax paper.

You know how much I love this candy and I make it every year at Christmas.  I’m the best I know of at making this candy. It turns out perfect every time, even when it rains. It  just melts in your mouth. Everyone says it’s the best they have ever tasted.  Did You give me this talent? Why would you give me a talent for making wonderful candy if You knew I would have a food addiction? Continue reading Victory Over Christmas Candy

HOPE AND VICTORY

IMG_1881 I have joined a writer’s group that submits a story every week based on a scripture cue. I would like to share them with you, although they won’t all relate to weight loss. Then again, they may. Hope you enjoy.

I have enjoyed writing for this group. My stories are a little odd, but I pray asking God for guidance each week. I also draw from my personal life/feelings as I write about the characters. It’s fun. I enjoy it.

The following story, although it’s about a prostitute’s journey, it does relate to my weight loss. For years I would worship God, ask Him to guide me to His will, and then I ran to my other lover, the pleasure of food.  Yes, I admit my other lover was food pleasure. Therefore I sold out my body to another, I was a prostitute. Continue reading HOPE AND VICTORY