Last Tuesday, I felt compelled to weigh myself. It didn’t matter about Tropical Storm Bob. It wasn’t raining now. I had time to walk to the grocery store where the scales were and return before the rain started. Hubby returned to work and I left before breakfast.
I needed to know how our hospital trip last week with his kidney stone (13mm) affected my weight. Yes, you heard right. He had the kidney stone, I’m worried about my weight. Not knowing if I lost or gained was driving me crazy.
I had stayed by Hubby’s side the entire time at the hospital, unless the doctors sent me to the waiting room. I thought they might not find me if I went for food. So I sat and waited. Once I got pretzels out of a snack machine. For two days poor Hubby could not eat due to their procedures and I wouldn’t eat in front of him. Poor thing, no food or water for 12 hours before each procedure, so both of us got hungry. I wouldn’t leave him to go eat. That’s real love for a recovering food addict.
As we arrived at the hospital, I emptied what he had in his lunchbox into my big purse just in case. Crackers, potato chips, and cookies, oh wow. These became my lunch in the surgical waiting room as I waited for the doctor. For two days, I had a half sandwich for breakfast and the other half sandwich for supper. I ate them while poor Hubby was suffering in the bathroom.
Amazing how all my past experiences at sneaking food came in so handy at this crisis time. I never knew sneaking food could be beneficial. I didn’t have the heart to eat in front of someone who couldn’t eat.
Hubby’s recovered and doing well now. He had almost no pain throughout. This is unheard of. We praise God for that miracle.
“Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” Proverbs 9:17.
His lunchbox goodies was all I had to eat at the time. Now I had to know how they affected my hips and my thighs. So off to the store scales I go, even with threatening rain.
On route, the Lord spoke to my heart, “My child, if only you trusted Me, then you would see what I would do.”
“But Lord, it’s so hard to not worry about what the scales say or even what I get to eat. Look at my belly. It’s pooching out now.”
I worry, did I eat too much? Too little? Did I make the right choices?
“Lord, what if I don’t lose any more? What if I stay the same? Worse yet, what if I gained? I don’t want to get all hung up on diet portions or exercise routines. What I want is freedom, real freedom from it all.”
Later I weighed at the store. My weight stayed the same, no losses, no gains. After feeling both disappointed and relieved, I started the journey back. The rain started too. It wasn’t a heavy rain, just a steady mist. Earlier I was so concerned about my weight that I didn’t get an umbrella. So I got wet, hair, clothes, all wet. Walking in the rain with no weight loss, I pouted.
“My Child, you worry about your portion sizes, your exercises, and even the numbers on a box. What you should worry about is the time you spend in My Presence.
You seek your desserts with anticipated thrill. When was the last time you sought My Presence with anticipation and a thrill? Don’t you see the whole picture? It’s bigger than the size of your hips, the food you eat, or even the number on a scale. I’m teaching you about trust and a yielded spirit. The real question is, do you trust Me enough to not weigh yourself until I lead you to? Do you trust Me enough to give up your beloved desserts if I tell you to? Do you trust Me enough to go walking when I tell you to, or even to not go for a walk when I tell you not to? My child, I want you to learn TRUST. Do you trust Me?”
“Then let it go – let it all go.”
“Begin each day in My Presence seeking My will for your day. You’ve operated on autopilot about your food and your time with Me for a while now. Stop, seek, and listen for My voice to lead you about what to eat or not eat.
You love your desserts, I want you to love Me more. Therefore some days you’ll have dessert and some days you won’t. I want you to seek Me, seek My will. Some days you’ll exercise, some days you won’t. The point is I want to teach you TRUST. Trust Me for each bite, step, word, or deed. Seek My advice over every detail of your life including your food and exercise. Watch and see what I will do. It’ll surprise you.”
“What about my sagging arms?”
“You may lift your arm weights, 10 repetitions, no more, no less, not on Sunday, and according to My schedule, not yours. No more routine food, walking, or otherwise. I’m shaking your routine to teach you trust. I’m building up the ‘trust muscles’ within your inner man.”
“Lord, this is too hard, no scales and no routine.”
“My child, others have much harder paths to walk and they come through victorious. You can do this.”
“Until you learn to trust Me with all that you are and will be.”
“This is hard.”
“Do it. You can. Trust Me for I know all.”
“Lord, it’s not funny.”
“My child, I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing in delight at your victory.”
— There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless the Lord’s counsel – that will stand. Proverbs 19:21 NKJV
— A man’s heart plans his way, but the lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9 NKJV
— It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect. Psalm 18: 32 NKJV
— What a God! His road stretches straight and smooth. Every GOD – direction is road-tested. Everyone who runs toward Him makes it. Psalm 18:30 MSG